I looked at her small, sunken face and wanted to scream out loud and cry. I wanted everyone in the entire world to know how much I loved my mum and to know how much my heart was breaking for her right now.

At 10:37pm she took her last breath. Her last breath of life was a very long exhale and then she never took another breath again.

The thought of leaving her alone haunted me. The sadness was suffocating me and twisting my chest and my heart and I couldn't breathe properly. I wanted to escape my own body as the sadness drowned me. I felt like I could barely keep my head above water. This was a new depth of sadness.

The spiritual messages for mum kept coming to me in meditation. I never questioned them, I just passed them on.

We all tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong and that everything was normal, but nothing was normal.