Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children.

There's enough irony in my situation that a skilled blacksmith could turn it into a katana.

The chip that functions abnormally will be desoldered, as they say.

My computer terminal whistles at me: YOU HAVE MAIL. No shit, Sherlock, I always have mail. It's an existential thing: if I don't have mail it would mean that something is very wrong with the world

It popped up on my Outlook calendar, flagged in red like an inflamed pimple full of infected bureaucratic pus... I've been trying desperately to get it shifted, but no, it is stuck like a king-sized dildo in a guinea pig.

Let’s see.’ She fiddles with her terminal and the room card reader. ‘You’re in 403 and 404. Have a nice day.'I hand Persephone the Forbidden Room card and keep Room Not Found for myself. She looks at me oddly.

Europe has achieved peaceful political union for the first time ever: They're using this unprecedented state of affairs to harmonize the curvature of bananas.

I spent six hours becoming one with a shrubbery last night. There were three cloudbursts and a rain of small and very confused frogs