"Yes, the smiley at the end makes everything better. Much less scary."

"PROS: I'm not nice. I'm not not pretty, when I bother to brush my hair. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of rubbish TV shows. I have a blog, too, though it's mainly dedicated to self-pity, and it never results in cake."

"She's somewhere in the darkness. Just follow the smell."

"How do YOU want to greet him?!”“By licking his neck?"

"I still cannot believe Gracie is all right with this. It’s a miracle. I’m sort of expecting it to be a big ruse and tomorrow Steph will wake up with meat in her bed spelling ‘Judas’."

"She nodded and smiled, but I could feel that she was slightly disappointed in me. Like Ms Parker when I answer every question in English with ‘It’s a metaphor for desire."

"I feel weird and not at all like myself, like Stefan Salvatore when he gets the taste for human blood after 150 years."

"As it turns out, not being distracted by constant Snapchats from Steph means I’m actually getting lots of stuff done. I bet having a fight with her best mate is how Coco Chanel got started."