As soon as I entered the room, he cried out, without any other greeting: "You've gotten very fat!" It was his way of disarming, I thought, any horror I might have felt at his own pudding-like rotundity, which had trebled since I had seen him last.

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.

I think that people's sexual preferences are a legitimate subject for humour, dirty humour if at all possible.

Ever since I discovered that my god given male member was going to give me no peace, I decided to give it no rest in return.

An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.

[He]said something that made it impossible to continue working for him.[The exact words were]You're fired.

In a Pyongyang restaurant, don't ever ask for a doggie bag.

It ought to be an offense to be excruciating and unfunny in circumstances where your audience is almost morally obliged to enthuse.

Bad habits have brought me this far: why change such a tried-and-true formula?