I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

The Senate was holding hearings on deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly, making them think they're going to get a bunch of money, when in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.