Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony-the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know

I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.