Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.

You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.