"i am like a dead begoniahanging upside down because like a dead begonia I don't give a fuck"

"why do you have to fix the salad? who broke it? i didn't touch it. did you break the salad, mom? if you did, YOU'D BETTER FIX IT!"

"and the HE stands up. if frenchy's could bottle him up and sell him as porn, they'd probably own half of chicago within a year. he's what would happen after nine months if abercrombie fucked fitch. he's like a movie star, an olympic swimmer, and america's next top male model all at once. he's wearing a silver shirt and pink pants. everything about him sparkles. not my type at all. but..."

"and i'm thinking, aren't i supposed to be the one who's freaking out here? tiny is going to be the first b-b-b- (i can't do it) boy-f-f-f (c'mon, will) boyf-boyf (here we go) boyfriend of mine that she's ever met."

"Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me.She nods.'Why?''Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten--well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.''Really?'She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment."

"I can tell from the glint in her eyes that she’s at least an acquaintance of Dorothy."

"The boy I loved didn't know I existed. Then again, he was obsessed with Camus, so he didn't know if any of us existed"