Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton.

Chyna Shepherd, untouched and alive and able to pee.

If you have to pay the bills, and you write something you're not proud of, use a pen-name for that.

Best laughter is laughter at self. My human dad, who is author, has said life is parade of fools and he is at front of parade with a baton.

When using internet dating service, ask what happened to applicant's previous date. If answer is "was eaten alive," you have not found spouse of your dreams.

Hand-to-hand combat with three hundred pounds of screaming monkey menace is not my idea of a fair fight. My idea of a fair fight is one unarmed, toothless, nearsighted old monkey versus me with a Blackhawk attack helicopter.