Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference.

Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.

That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.

The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.