While shared values aren’t sufficient for friendship, friendship is impossible without shared values. In fact, one reason people are hurt by those they had considered friends is that friends are too often chosen without attention to their values.

I have a simple rule that is of great value in identifying whom to trust: Do not choose friends on the basis of personality, ‘chemistry,’ or enjoyment alone. Know their character (i.e. their values and whether they act on those values) before you trust them.

One way to test whether you have chosen your friends wisely is to ask yourself why they are your friends. If your only answer is that you like them and they are fun to be with (certainly important components of friendship), you probably haven’t given consideration to their values. Or try this: what case could you make to people who have never met your friends to prove that your friends are good people?

Only marriage combines all three forms of companionship - spouse is family, best friend, and permanent companion. This is why it is widely held that while the death of a child is the most painful loss, the death of a spouse is the most disorienting one.