People keep asking me about why I am not in Russia. I am sorry. I am just as upset as you are. And the only clear, and quick, and honest answer I can come up with is that my father is a Retarded homosexual. That's it. it's not my fault.

When I was a little boy and we were leaving Russia for some reason... my parents told me to say that we're moving to Belarus. Then we came to America and my parents like to say that we're FROM Belarus... I think so they don't hate us for being Russian. I guess we might actually be from Belarus, but I honestly don't know much about it. As they say, little lies become big lies, so most days, I like to think I'm from Paris.

I don't know what they might call this in law school, but I think it's pretty fucked up and it should be illegal.

[in response to the idiotic Mike Brady Ted talk] OF COURSE immigrants are unemployable!!! Didn't they tell you? We win LOTTERIES! to come to this shithole.