If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.

I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?