If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.

I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.