I'm not ready to let 2014 go. It feels like letting Sam go. Yet I know that I have no choice. It's another day I don't know how to get through.

I am glad to have had yesterday with its painand joy. I am glad to have been able to feel it all.

Although life takes away it also continuesto give, if only we can allow it to.

I have felt you in tumbling clouds, above my head, in early morning sunlight dancing on the bed.

You are a song inside me now.A melody that stirs or burstsinto life when I think of you.I carry the pulse of youwithin me.

I feel a sharp stab of regret as I remember that I can’t share anything with him anymore.

I feel a hardness developingaround the softer partsof me, something brittlethat won't let me cry. I don'twant to be brittlebut I don't want to feelthe pain either.

No one is there to require anything of me. I sit with my thoughts and, in my stillness, I become invisible...

I want to push it all away into a closed-off part of my mind where it can no longer trouble me.