No one is there to require anything of me. I sit with my thoughts and, in my stillness, I become invisible...

I want to push it all away into a closed-off part of my mind where it can no longer trouble me.

Things do still touch me. It surprises me, this capacity within me still to see and feel the beauty in life. I would have expected it to be snuffed out by sorrow.

That's where I am now, caught between past and future.

Now I know that lives tear too. Can they be re-sewn, re-configured, sides to middle, new strength found? Even if they can, I know I will always feel the tell-tale ridge down the centre, at the heart of me.

I feel him in it; in the dappled sunlight dancing on the bed; in the branches swaying outside my bedroom window; in the leaves trembling in the breeze.

I am glad to have had yesterday with its pain and joy. I am glad to have been able to feel it all.

Life was never dull when you were around. It's going to be so quiet without you.

I feel guilt and anger slip away as swiftly as the equatorial sun. And in their place comes sorrow.