He didn’t want to see any more reminders of dead friends.

Thanks for the sympathy. I appreciate it. We are trying to be strong for the benefit of the group. We can’t afford to break down and cry for every friend we lose. Not while we still have a job to do. Once we get to safety, who knows how we’ll react? I’m trying hard to push my feelings aside and focus on staying alive, but as you said, it’s not easy.

Tears came to his eyes, which he quietly wiped away. He told himself it was okay to cry, since no one could see him in the dark. However, it was only in the dark when he would see her face as clear as day. He missed her so much.

He hated how many people had to die, so they could gain their freedom. What hurt most was that they did not even die at the hands of the infected. They were killed for no good reason.

The huge cop funerals with the uniforms and American flags only pound the reality of the loss in deeper. You see all those cops lined up coming to pay their respects and you feel proud for a moment, but then the pain hits you like a sledgehammer. You ask why, but there is never a good enough reason.

In a way, he knew it would be better if she died a quick painless death. It would be easier for him because, otherwise, how else could he justify leaving the city without finding her, first?

It never ends. The pain is always with you. Maybe that is the worst part.