After you died, I got a puppy. I wear your clothes and tease her sometimes, in case you come back.

In the end it doesn't matter if this creature is really our mother. We feed it things and tell it about our problems. It's still all about us.

Goodbye forever" is the perfect joke, because forever is impossible. Every night I say it, and every morning I see my father again. Forever is meaningless. Tough talk, an empty threat. Forever is our secret handshake. Our code word. Our decoder ring. Not a measurement of time at all. I know this because "Goodbye Forever" comes easily. The passage of actual time is much more difficult.

Look at that house, so quiet and willing. If there is a good way to die, that's it out there. Graceful and calm in the face of inevitability. It feels generous, almost. Beauty and reassurances are not for ourselves. Of course death will come. And of course there is no good way to die. There is no peace. A weight will not lift. A leaf will not fall. But we can pretend.