In the ensuing silence, I have the time to contemplate the word cute – how dismissive it is, how it’s the equivalent of calling someone little, how it makes a person into a baby, how the word is a neon sign burning through the dark reading, “Feel Bad About Yourself.

Margo always loved mysteries. And in everything that came afterward, I could never stop thinking that maybe she loved mysteries so much that she became one.

I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our fucking lives revolve around something slugs can do?

When I was little, my dad used to tell me, 'Will, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose.

When I was little, my dad used to tell me: Will, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Hey, is Jane the gay part of the Gay-Straight Alliance or the straight part?

That's the thing about Tiny. His problems are so huge that yours can hide behind them.

God, I swear I will take a vow of silence and move to a monastery and worship you for all my days if you just this once provide me with an invistibility cloak, come on come on, please please invisibility cloak now now now.

You're welcome, I say exasperated, and then I'm in a porn store.