I want to tell him that I don't know what i feel. I want him but i'm frightened to want him. I don;t want my happiness to be entirely dependent on somebody else's to be a hostage to fortunes I cannot control.

I felt something rise inside me then, a feeling of joy and anticipation so great that it seemed as if this world had briefly stopped turning, like there was just me and the universe and a million good things that could happen if you only hung on in there.

I felt the mood shift. And, for no reason at all other than that he didn’t expect it, I climbed fully clothed into the bath and kissed him as he laughed and spluttered. I was suddenly glad of his solidity in a world where it was so easy to fall.

I'm giving you this because there is not much that makes me happy any more, but you do.