Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.

Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.

Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.