I want to get drunk too...It's shameful, but I do. When I drink I forget.

I need a drink. Vodka is the only thing that makes everything go away. Vodka is that delightful, black, ink-out paint that stops everything hurting. Vodka gives me black, dreamless sleep. Like death...like beautiful suicide.

It's as if I'm so sad I couldn't get any sadder. I'm just looking forward to stopping it all by dying. I'm looking forward to feeling nothing, ever again.

All I can feel is this dull, aching despair that I'm still alive.