You tell me the dead are coming through a crack in my barn, but I shouldn’t worry?

There’s no way to stand up gracefully when your pants are down around your ankles.

This was going to be worse than the time I table danced in the diner in high school!

I missed the good old days when phones were sturdy enough to be pounded for emphasis.

My inner bitch could handle this peon without even breaking a sweat.

Banks frown when employees torch the home of their principal account holder.

This house has enough nooks and crannies for English muffins.

Turns out there’s a reason smoking is not allowed on construction sites.

You pretty much have to take the job since you hit him with the car.