You are so beautiful! So young! So innocent! And you are mine! I have the right to have you! I want you & I will take you! Whether you want it or not! The price I had to pay for this marriage was too high. Everything makes me feel nauseous & disgusted. I had nowhere to run.

Apart from myself I started to blame one other for everything, God. I was angry, very angry with God! I was in pain & I was angry. Everything happens because of God’s will. So I believed that the horrific events must also be God’s will.

Don’t bother holding those tears inside, my Love! Let the pain go away together with them!

There were moments of intense pain & utter darkness that I wanted to end it all. The only thing I wanted was not to live.