Of course I wanted to embarrass my children one day. Isn’t that why people had kids? Besides free labor, I mean.

Chicks before dicks. Hos before Bros.Moms before Doms.

God, that was nice. I wanted him to use that finger to touch me other places. Dirty, dirty places. Well, not dirty literally. I’m not dirty or anything. I’m clean. Very clean. Illicit places. But illicit, illicit places doesn’t sound as good. Whatever. I wanted him to touch me. Like immediately.

My palms were sweaty despite the aridity, and my heart beat at an accelerated pace. What if she had been kidnapped? Or momnapped. Fucking napped!

No, not in a creepy way. I am anti-incest. It says so on my bumper sticker.

Really, Mom? Boob play isn’t your thing? You didn’t have an urge to motorboat them? I, for one, am shocked.

About as much business as a cat owner has selling dog food. Or an Olympic swimmer has advertising for downhill ski equipment. Or a nun writing hard core erotica.Abso-fucking-none.