When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

I never thought that Bill Clinton should be the president. When he was running to be the president of the United States, he said on over a hundred occasions, he said the following: He said, 'One of the great accomplishments while I was the governor of Arkansas, was to take my state in education from 50th to 49th.' And I thought, ' you know, Bill, you should keep that a secret.

It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'