If at 1st you don't succeed, stretch out on your La-Z-Boy with a six-pack and a porn flick. Y' still won't succeed, but you sure as hell won't give a shift.

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.