Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.

Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing.

If you don't like your teeth; keep your mouth shut.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.