Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Trust is important to any relationship… and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.