Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.

I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.

Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.