"Night after night I inflict abuse on myself, even drawing blood. It's strangely calming. I know the pain will stop whenever I want. I was the one who decided when it should start; I will be the one to decide when it stops. However much it hurts, I draw some comfort from the idea that I'm in control."

"I can't take it anymore, I can't put up with this suffering I neither understand nor know when it will end."

"I no longer have any fear of pain because I'm the one inflicting it and can decide when it stops."

"I can't stand it any longer. If only I could will myself dead."