My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception.

The universe seems to be a lot like a car or a computer, in that it's designed to be user-friendly, which doesn't necessarily require the user to have a clue what's going on under the hood.

Jersey Shore has killed more brain cells than alcohol, cocaine, and meth combined.

Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first time!

General assumptions often lead to erroneous conclusions, but one cannot go far wrong in always assuming that whatever one's government is saying is a lie.