"An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell."

"To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?"

"Some people will hate you for not loving them."

"Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them."

"Some people would have killed themselves and/or someone else if they were single; and some people would not have done that."

"Most poor people do not really aspire to end poverty; they merely aspire to escape it."

"One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers."

"A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand."

"For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person."

"Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along."