68 Quotes by Neil Gaiman about humor

  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    Nonsense. Hardly touched a drop. That much.” She held out two fingers to show how tiny an amount “that much” was. “Just went to a party,” said Richard, “and saw Jessica and saw a real angel and got a little black pig and came back here.” “Just a little drink,” continued Door, intently. “Old, old, drink. Tiiiiny little drink. Very small. Almost not there.” She began to hiccup.

  • Tags
  • Share


  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    She smiled again. "Do you like cat?" she said."Yes," said Richard. "I quite like cats."Anaesthesia looked relieved. "Thigh?" she asked, "or breast?

  • Tags
  • Share

  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    Fat Charlie wondered what Rosie's mother would usually hear in a church. Probably just cries of "Back! Foul best of Hell!" followed by gasps of "Is it alive?" and a nervous inquiry as to whether anybody had remembered to bring the stakes and hammers.

  • Tags
  • Share

  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    Every profession has its pitfalls. Doctors, for example, are always being asked for free medical advice, lawyers are asked for legal information, morticians are told how interesting a profession that must be and then people change the subject fast.

  • Tags
  • Share

  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    Rubbish!" screamed a fat, elderly woman, in Richard's ear, as he passed her malodorous stall. "Junk!" She continued. "Garbage! Trash! Offal! Debris! Come and get it! Nothing whole or undamaged! Crap, tripe, and useless piles of shit. You know you want it.

  • Tags
  • Share

  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    He shivered. His coat was thin, and it was obvious he would not get his kiss, which he found puzzling. The manly heroes of the penny dreadfuls and shilling novels never had these problems getting kissed.

  • Tags
  • Share


  • Author Neil Gaiman
  • Quote

    What about volcanoes?""What about them?""All that lava comes up from center of the earth where it is all hot. I saw a program, it had David Attenborough, so it's true.

  • Tags
  • Share