Daddy loved his son. Daddy believed his son walked on water. Daddy, Mike had long ago decided, was an idiot.

Mom says it's because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome

I’m stuck babysitting turtle eggs while a volleyball player slash grease monkey slash aquarium volunteer tries to hit on me.” I’m not hitting on you,” he protested.No?”Believe me, you’d know if I was hitting on you. You wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from succumbing to my charms.

Like Jesus said 'blessed are the lazy who lie on boats, for they shall inherit a suntan

That's good. And speaking of spelling, tell me -- do you wrap your head in a towel after you shower?

For desert, maybe we can split a couple of crumbs.

Its easy to fall for someone that will find humor in every situation.

Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome