Dating is like getting a part-time job, but the money flows the wrong way.

No one's told me what happens after people die. I don't have a clue. Hell, I don't even know if God is a man or a woman. But maybe that's the fear – no, not God being a woman. It's the not knowing. Not having that firsthand proof of what will actually matter when you watch your soul get weighed.

One of the fun things about being human is that part of who you are is how you suck. Everyone's got this specific, tailored way that they can make the rest of the world miserable.

EVAN. Have you no faith?MELISSA. Of course not. I'm an atheist.

There's a key difference between my worst picture and the worst picture.