I realized that whilst crying over the loss, the living did not seem adequate because they were not my loved one. The room full of strangers hurt me profusely. Even as I saw thousands of young people; I felt incomplete and more saddened because the one I wanted to see was buried.

The heart aches in brokenness as daylight awakens the pain of knowing.

Fear manifested itself as a physical presence that seemed to dominate the public sphere. Time almost stopped. Even without confirmation I could sense that something had gone terribly wrong.

Instead of hating, my heart cries mercy! Mercy on me! Mercy on me! Mercy on me!

During the prayers of the day, there was one less “amen”.