If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.