I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.