I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.