It was long since I had longed for anything and the effect on me was horrible.

To have been always what I am - and so changed from what I was.

To be always what I am - and so changed from what I was.

For in me there have always been two fools, among others, one asking nothing better than to stay where he is and the other imagining that life might be slightly less horrible a little further on. So that I was never disappointed, so to speak, whatever I did, in this domain. And these inseparable fools I indulged turn about, that they might understand their foolishness.