I felt like Dirty Harry, only, my weapon wasn’t as big as his! I don’t know what it is with guns, but once you’ve got your hand on one, you think you’re one of the untouchables.

I can’t remember exactly when I started to steal, but I do remember being aware of the fact that if I wanted to enjoy myself and be popular, money was the way to do it.

Once again, off this skinny prick of a copper went. BANG! SLAP! PUNCH! It was more like a Batman movie! He could hit me all night, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

Mind you, with all this emphasis on the householder now being able to use ‘reasonable force’ to protect their home, I wouldn’t even consider it. I mean, look what that Farmer Tony Martin did to those creepers!

SLAP! I saw a bright flash in front of my eyes, ‘Don’t you try and be a fucking smart arse in here, Holland, this is Partick cop shop you’re in,’ the irate copper retorted. ‘So fuck,’ I snapped.

I got my lawyer to visit me in the jail. He couldn’t believe the bruising over my body, so he pulled the governor and asked why I was covered in marks. The governor said to my lawyer that it was ‘self-inflicted’ and was caused by my ‘running into walls’. That part was disproved because walls don’t leave footprints all over your body.

I waltzed into the hall with my escort of five screws like some rapper with his well-paid entourage. A fiendish looking, little bastard with blonde hair and a crooked nose came up to me and said, ‘Okay, Holland, welcome to Shotts. Welcome to the man-eater!

I’ve seen some of the most violent hard cases in the city twinkling through a quickstep and dipping into a tango with an aplomb and skill that would have earned them a guest spot on Come Dancing.

I’ve often been asked; how do you rob a bank? The answer to that is that there is no instruction book. The fact is you never know what will happen when you step through the door of a bank and declare yourself. Certainly, you can work hard on preparations; have everything organised from vehicles to weapons and set out the getaway, but there are no set rules.