In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell