I don’t have time for all the relations and courting and wooing bullshit,” I said. “I’m a wizard. I have quests.”“Uh, you’re an apprentice,” Gary said. “And you’re sent on errands.

The unicorn stared at him. Then, “Gary.” “Your name is Gary,” Sam said. “Yes.” “Ah. That’s… not very unicorn-like.” Gary scowled. “And what is unicorn-like?” Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. Like Princess Moon Cloud or Ethereal Tear or Star Shine.

Honey bear,” the unicorn said. “You are the gayest thing I’ve seen since I last saw my own reflection.

I glanced back at my merry little band of travelers. A hornless gay unicorn. A half-giant. A knight who was a jerk but that I wanted to have for breakfast.

So I said, “Goddammit,” and hugged it out with the both of them, because feelings.

Gary’s eyes narrowed. “I’m pretty sure I don’t like you.”“My world is crumbling,” Ryan said. I might have laughed. Because sass.

Today has been so weird,” I side-whispered to Gary. “I think the word you’re looking for is erotic,” he said back. “Today has been so erotic.

Too bad you’re like my older sister. We could have been something special.”I narrowed my eyes at him. “Older? You’re seventy-six!”“Boo, you whore,” he said.

I fell in love with Ryan, you got jealous, then I fell out of love with him because he seemed needy, you tied me up, I got half a chubby because it reminded me of Octavio, and now you have a date with Ryan. Oops. I mean Todd. Gosh, I’m beat. What a long night.