"Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made things work, that gave the world its purpose. It was just that they were best avoided close up."

"There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable even of achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction."

"Do you know how wizards like to be buried?""Yes!""Well, how?"Granny Weatherwax paused at the bottom of the stairs."Reluctantly."

"Actually, we'd have once chance" .... Even if it's a million to one chance, ma'am." "That's all very well," said Nanny, "but what you're saying is, for every Mr Ridcully that survives tonight's work, 999,999 are going to get killed?""Yes, but I'm not bothered about those other buggers." said Ridcully "They can look after themselves. Serve 'em right for not inviting me to their weddings."

"He had to admit that this boy looked like good wizard material. In other words, he was thin, gangling, pale from reading disturbing books in unhealthy rooms, and had watery eyes like two lightly poached eggs....Wizards are martyrs to things like asthma and flat feet; it somehow seems to give them their drive."

"My father always said, he said, “Do not peddle in the affairs of wizards..."

"Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery."

"Do you know how wizards like to be buried?" "Yes!" "Well, how?" Granny Weatherwax paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Reluctantly."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere."