You don't have to tell me everything right away, but I have to tell you everything right away? Can't you see how stupid that is?

I feel the monster of grief again, writhing in the empty space where my heart and stomach used to be. I gasp, pressing both palms to my chest. Now the monstrous thing has its claws around my throat, squeezing my airway. I twist and put my head between my knees, breathing until the strangled feeling leaves me.

Most of the time I was so close to falling into the darkest, emptiest place inside me that I just tried to feel nothing at all

I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing our humanity. Becauseinside me is a beast that snarls, and growls, and strains toward freedom, toward Tobias, and, aboveall, toward life. And as hard as I try, I cannot kill it.

I am afraid that if I start to sob, I will never stop until I shrivel up like a raisin.

Caleb,' I say. 'I love you.

I guess I always knew there was something wrong with me, but I thought it was because of my father, or my mother, and the pain they bequeathed to me like a family heirloom, handed down from generation to generation.- Tobias Eaton