Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em what they will do.

A debt is just as hard for a Government to pay as it is for an individual. No debt ever comes due at a good time. Borrowing is the only thing that seems handy all the time.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

I don't know jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.

Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.

There is no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I dont even have to exaggerate.

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.

He [Calvin Coolidge] is the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.