"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly."

"Remember gentleman, it's not just France we're fighting for, it's Champagne!"

"Mr. Churchill your drunk!" Mr. Churchill: "And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by the morning. You, however, will still be ugly."

"The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it."

"My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars."

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."