Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.