1,680 Quotes About Comedy
- Author Rick Riordan
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Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go.""You just got here.""Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress.""You're making that up.""I'm not.""So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?
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- Author Lewis Black
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Just relax and breathe through your ass.
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- Author Rachel Machacek
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If you don't want to tear off the clothes of the person you're on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what's the point? I'd never date; instead, I'd have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.
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- Author Wayne Gerard Trotman
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Life is difficult and those who make us laugh are angels.
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- Author Demetri Martin
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Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!
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- Author Leslie Nielsen
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Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.
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- Author Victoria Ward
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A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy'Albert Einstein
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- Author Hank Green
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Knowing something is a bad idea does not always decrease the odds that you will do it.
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- Author Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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